Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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