I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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