Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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