Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
