How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
