Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize