I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
