So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
