I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
