I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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