I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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