i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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