Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
