well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
