please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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