My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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