Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
