Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sober January is a disaster.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
