Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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