i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
