she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
