I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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