so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
