I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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