yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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