nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
