she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
