For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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