dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
