I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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