it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
