Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How's work?
Spinning.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
