finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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