Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
