Have you finally orgasmed yet?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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