So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
