that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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