Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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