I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
