He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
