im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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