happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't think brook has ever known best
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
