I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
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I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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