Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize