I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
