i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
