office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
