should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
