I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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