I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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