I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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