She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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