Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
