My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
