We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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