I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
