I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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