Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
