kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
