I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
