so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
