The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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