shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
