shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
being pregnant is like rehab
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
