He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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