Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
