I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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