I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
