she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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