Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
