i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
