The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
