You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
