i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
