Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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