Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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