she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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