I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My dick has a subreddit
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
