And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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