so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
