There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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