Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
