I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
