There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
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Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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