After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
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well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
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the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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