I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
