So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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