hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
