Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
