I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
